My friend, Christine, has been keeping a blog I love reading. She has always had such insight and spirit. This part of her most recent post was so filled with truth, I am sharing it with you. You can find her blog at: http://michaelyonkmanhealthupdate.blogspot.com/
“This is a lot for me to digest. Because it seems only fair that if we hope and pray and work this hard, and God meets us and even encourages us on, that we should be able to cross the finish line in glory with an outcome that everyone could look at and say “Oh yes! Isn’t it wonderful and good how all of that worked out?” This is my daily hope, of course, for all of us. But the measure of success, I am convinced, is not in the final turn of events but rather in how well and deeply we love along the way. God showed me this clearly in morning prayer, that ultimately my job here, even in the midst of Michael’s recovery, isn’t to serve Michael or to sculpt him toward freedom (or even to serve my family, job or self), but to serve God. And God is served when we love. I thought about the myriad of ways we can love in the world. In my own life I considered teaching, singing, writing, praying, conversing with friends, and being there for my family. We can love by speaking truth or by quietly remembering sometimes it is more important to be kind than to be right. All of these things are good and worthy, but none of them guarantee outcomes. We love because loving is right, not because it gets us to a certain climactic high note before the curtain falls. We love because in so doing our spirits are transformed to the likeness of the substance from which we come.
If Michael were to die from a drug overdose tomorrow or at some future date, our prayers and efforts and support would not be in vain. Because in the loving, in giving ourselves away, we and the world around us are changed. There is nothing more beautiful we can do than pour out our spirits as living sacrifices in service to the endless and saving love of God, God who meets us with all perfect gentleness and majesty, taking the clay of our substance into the crucible of the divine heart where we are formed and forged into diamonds that shine like stars (Philippians 2:15). Each gem holds the light of eternity within, endlessly burning with the inexhaustible supply of God’s presence, mercy and strength. The light is not dimmed by darkness. The supreme clarity of our souls as reflections and manifestations of God’s light surpasses any earthly vision of beauty, and the brilliance is blinding. So much so that only within the folds of God’s arms can we bear the intensity of such love and light. When we love, we become more love. This is why we do it, because something essential in our spirits longs to become and return to that which we know as home. We want to be who we are. Tragedies and celebrations don’t change our being. Only loving brings us into greater focus, whether the end of the story is a tear-jerker or fairy tale happiness.
There is tremendous freedom in entering this crucible, because our lives are no longer our own. We have more responsibility, yes, but we also are free from the human tendency and desire to control and understand. We simply surrender to life and recognize that God has the final line, and it is good. God showed me an image in prayer this morning of Michael walking happily off into his life (whether in eternity or into adulthood on earth I don’t know), and he was free and healthy and on his way. He is God’s, as we all are God’s, and I will continue to take heart in loving as we travel the way together. Because loving brings me closer to home, and home is where my heart knows the truth of who I am.”
“And this is my prayer, that your love may overflow more and more with knowledge and full insight.” – Philippians 1:9