Yesterday morning I was sitting in a health classroom with a bunch of seventh graders, both boys and girls, watching a video called, “The Truth About Sex”. It made me sick. I felt like I had taken a bunch of toxins into my body and I wanted to spew them out. The students took in the same toxins but what made me want to scream and spit nails was that they have no idea what they heard was utterly not anything close to the truth. That video made me want to shut that movie off and have an open discussion with them about sex. With the prospect of talking about sex with middle schoolers, you can tell how angry I was! Not being the head teacher though, I couldn’t do it, but oh, how I wanted to!
The good part of the video, or the better part at least, was when they used the same tactic they used in my Driver’s Ed class to make us safe drivers, scare the hell out of them. They took people who were having unprotected sex to teen parents houses, to a health clinic to see pictures of sexually transmitted diseases, which they also showed, and to the pregnancy center to see if they were or were not pregnant. They weren’t pregnant but they were by this time very grateful to hear that. The girl asked immediately for birth control.
The part that infuriated me was the video took the stance that you all are going to have sex, it’s a part of the teenage years, so here is what to avoid. They never once encouraged them to wait, they never once told them there are lots of people who are still virgins and that it is a choice, and they never once talked about sex only within an intimate, long-term committed relationship. They also told them via interviews with teenage boys that guys just want sex. They don’t care about you, they just want it any way they can get it and will tell girls whatever they want to hear so they can have somewhere to “stick it”. After all, testosterone controls the sex drive and guys have a lot of it and girls don’t so guys are sex crazed maniacs, they “think about it all the time.” So basically, they told the guys it’s okay to let your sex drive run your life and it’s okay to only see girls as sexual objects. Then they told the girls that you aren’t supposed to want sex because you’re a girl and that guys only want sex. Can you see why I was INFURIATED?
Okay, girls? It is perfectly normal to want sex. It’s how we’re built. Our sexuality is a beautiful part of who we are. It shapes us and we can express our sexuality no matter what kind of relationship we’re in. Sex is a choice, not everyone is doing it, and it is a wise choice to wait until you are in a long-term and intimately committed relationship. For many, this means waiting to experience sex with another until marriage. Physical intimacy needs to be directly correlated with emotional intimacy. They develop together with sex and a life-commitment tied together. Sex is not a one night stand, it is something two people work at and enjoy together over time. A friend once told me that how good a kiss is, is directly proportional to how much you care about the person. Sex is much the same.
Guys? You have NOOOOO excuse for letting your sex drive run your life. Girls, and women, are not a place to stick it. We are people, not receptacles. And your choice of how far to go should NEVER be dependant on the woman. You need to have your own sexual limits and stick to them. Sex is for long-term commitments, not one-night-stands that will mean nothing to you in the morning besides the memory of a good orgasm. That is absolute shit and stinks to high heaven. You have no idea what you are doing to your soul. Sexuality is not just a physical sensation, your sexuality is deeply interconnected with your spirituality and emotions. One affects the other and especially at such a young age, you have no idea what you are getting into.
So though I am sure none of those kids who watched that video will read this blog, maybe someone else who needs to hear this will. And all you parents? Please, please, talk to your kids about this. They really are facing these issues a lot younger than you think, they need to hear from you for they are obviously not getting the right messages at school.
The thing I see missing is that it appeared that sex was never defined. We have brought onto this earth at least one generation who believes that sex has only one definition, “intercourse.” So, we have junior high kids now STARTING with oral and mutual masterbation and believing totally that they have not sex. Petting to orgasm is not sex. Anal borders on not being sex because of a short distance. “Hooking up” is normal dating activity.
Yes, you should have been ready to grab the video and toss it. That’s why a recently past president could sit under sworn testimony and say, “I never had sex with that woman.”