Exploring Life (and Dance) in Pants with Chains

This month our tap dancing troupe is getting ready for our show on May 31st. Part of the preparations is planning out and obtaining our costumes. To this end, my friend Jennifer who lives in Portland did us a favor by picking up some pants of various sizes at a store at the Lloyd Center they had on hold for us. Last night, I stopped by her condo to pick them up before going on to a meeting I had driven up for. After saying our hello’s, she carefully raised her eyebrows and weighing every word with incredulity, asked me, “Sarah, have you SEEN these pants?!” “Yes, I have!!!” was my enthusiastic answer. “Ooookay” then after a moment of thought, “They do match your haircut.”

When I got home, I tried them on and was actually rather surprised at how comfortable I felt wearing them. Think urban gangster meets Stomp meets short spiky hair and you may have an idea of what you would see if you saw me. All I need now is a black t-shirt with a big skull on it. Maybe I could wear that to meeting next week…

If you would have told me even a year ago when I was head to toe in red and black sparkles including a very short dress and fishnet tights with rhinestones, that I would look like this now, I would have believed you I think, but I also would have been extremely curious as to what happened between then and now. I think the feminine divine is to blame and in turn God. God put me up to it I’ll say. Well, not really, but God certainly did help the process along. I think it also has to do with all the thought I have put in to someone’s advice that I should enjoy my late twenties and not grow up so fast. I am seriously tempted to take a picture of me in these black and hot pink pants with zippers, buckles, and chains, along with my now very short and sometimes spikey hair and bring it with me when I next see them. Could be fun.

I tell you this because it illustrates the freedom I feel and live in as I’ve become more comfortable as me. I’m not so concerned with what other people think. I respect and would like the approval of people I trust, but if I have carefully thought something out, brought it up with Papa, and still believe I am right in my choice, I won’t budge. I have come to a point where I’ve realized it is more important that God and I are happy with my life more than anyone else. Though the pants are not something I would wear as a regular part of my wardrobe, I am excited to own them. I think it also gives me pleasure to know I’m crossing lines, living outside the box which is precisely where I’m happiest. My friend Jennifer scanned through this blog while I was up there and she called me a “rabble rouser”. That was one of the nicest compliments right up there with the “crazy” one I got two weeks ago.

For those who don’t know me except for this blog, let me balance out this picture for you. Though the image of crazed feminist is quite funny to me, I’m pretty down to earth. After all, I live in the Northwest. You can usually find me during my non-working hours in jeans and a sweater walking with no umbrella through the rain, pulling out a recycling bin with a late in one hand headed toward a pub to get a microbrew for the other. And though I am deeply enjoying exploring this topic of the feminine divine among other topics with you, it is that, an exploration. I am learning how to incorporate this into how I live my life as I go as I am hoping you are as well. Perhaps that is why there is a lot of stories from my own life here. This blog is not just a theological discussion, but also voices the praxis of where the theology crosses and alters my own life.

We we’re discussing blogs last night in a small discussion group I’m a part of. (The reason I was up in Portland.) Out of the five women, I was the only one who reads blogs or writes one. SInce we are studying the enneagram, (personality growth), my fellow “4” commented how I may be getting something out of this by sharing myself with you. I think there is something to that but I don’t think that it’s wrong. They didn’t either. I’m the personality type that likes sharing things about my life. I’m also used to having my thoughts in print anyway and open for the world to read. Perhaps another posting will be on this dichotomy between a public and private life. But I write this because perhaps hearing my story helps you better recognize things in your own, or at least lets you know others are thinking about some of the same things you are whether we agree or not, chained pants among them. Have a great day!