Tomorrow night I am meeting with my small group about what we’ve learned from the enneagram. In addition to our time together, I’ve also studied the enneagram at the seminary with Katie Skurja. I remember the first time I read the chapter on fours, it was actually quite embarrassing. It was as if someone was pointing out all of my dark places. Yikes! It was good, though, too, it was nice to have some things explained and written out. It was nice to see it there before me in black and white. The authors also gave some very good practical steps toward healing and becoming a healthy human soul.
In preparation for our discussion, I pulled out my book and looked again at the chapter on fours. Looking over the quiz as if I was answering for who I am today, I realized I would probably no longer test as a four. You never actually switch numbers, I will always be a four, and in several deep ways, it is still absolutely “me”, but many of the unhealthy traits no longer describe me, who I am now. I have grown in so many rich ways, little by little, step by step, I have healed, grown, and changed my ways. I am now far more forthright, “no’s” are much easier to say and stick to, and I don’t dwell on the negative; I much rather look at all the positive things in life. It’s so nice to know I am a “healthy four”.
A while back, a friend who has that gift of seeing things that cannot be seen, said I had fear within me but that the fear was just like the fear everyone else has, that my spirit was strong and healthy. Self-growth is hard and I know it will always be something I work on, but getting to this point, having the core, the soul of me healthy and happy, is one of the greatest gifts given me. On this sabbath day, I stand on the cliff looking out to where I’ve been, and shout to the sky thank you to you, God, for guiding me and for all the companions you gave on the way.
365-09 #319