For as long as I can remember, Boise Cascade has sat next to the river in the town where I live. Years ago, they removed a bunch of the buildings down by the river and created a beautiful park. Still, Boise Cascade was yet there to the left of the park, some buildings still being used, others abandoned and an eyesore in the downtown core. For the last month, a wrecking ball decided to change things. First they took down the eyesore and are selling the gravel. Next, the building that was being used was emptied and section by section, they are taking that one down as well.
This afternoon when I was driving, I saw the crane against the blue sky and realized my life is much like the process of those buildings coming down. Years ago, shortly after the park was built, came a lot of change in my life. What needed to be cleaned up was dealt with, beauty was made out of things I hadn’t seen a use for, and space was created for fun and joy. Yet, there were still these buildings next door I wasn’t ready to let go of yet. Some, I was still using. But now, I’ve realized how useless that abandoned building is and section by section, I’ve brought it down to gravel and am letting it be carted away. This is mostly the stuff I’ve kept because of emotional attachment. But then I realized, all that stuff from my life before is holding me back from the life I want. And like that building, it’s blocking my view. So that is the first thing that came down.
Then there is the building I’ve actually been using. This has been the hardest to give up. But it’s old and it’s falling apart. On top of that, I’ve realized I no longer want it. What I have wanted in the past is no longer what I want now and what I was too fearful to go after before, I have no problem going after it now. I’m packing up the things I want to keep and saying goodbye to that building too. God is taking it all down. (Did I mention He is the driver of the wrecking ball after I gave my okay?) Space is being created. I’m not sure entirely for what, I have some immediate future ideas, but long term wise, just like the buildings downtown, I don’t know what’s going to take their place.
I think we have to realize at different parts in our lives that we’ve changed and we need to prune our lives to give space for new things to come in. Realizing I want the new things and not the old has been an important piece of the process for me.
365-09 #190