The Question Underneath

This morning I met a friend for breakfast and one of her first questions was to ask why I had contacted her. Though we see each other’s Facebook posts, it has been at least 2-3 years since we have met face to face, rather surprising since we only live an hour away from each other. My answer was I missed her and wanted to get together but as I made my way home afterwards, I realized there is a far deeper truth underneath.

The truth is that my life was turned upside down for the last few years and especially in the last year and a half. Things changed one after another and I was so busy in that span of time that my soul dried up and I became a desert.  In that span of time, I’ve experienced:

  • Job changes
  • Came out to friends and family
  • My spiritual community split apart
  • Met and dated my now wife
  • Planned a wedding
  • Bought a house and applied for a mortgage
  • Took care of our dog
  • Had a surgery and a lot of physical therapy
  • Started helping lead our new Quaker yearly meeting
  • An intense workload
  • Helping plan two conferences

It’s been an overwhelming time to say the least and as the first hints of spring start to emerge from the ground, I feel like I am emerging too. After going through a long period when I felt like I lost a lot of myself, I’m thinking about what parts of me I need to nurture again. Though I wouldn’t ever change marrying my wife or buying our house, I would change my self-care habits while I did it. With this new awareness, though, I have some new questions to answer: What activities do I still love? Who in my life do I miss spending time with? What actions do I need to take to feel like a whole person who has fun and gets her work done too? What did I leave by the wayside I need to get back into my life (like photography)? What is new I need to leave space for (my yard)? Like a dry patch of earth, I am slowly watering the ground, adding nutrients and fertilizer back into the soil, and when that is ready – planting seeds. To see those flowers grow again, these are some of the practical steps I’ve taken over the winter to nurture myself:

  • Decorating my writing space / office and making it my own
  • Taking a dance fitness class twice a week
  • Creating a work calendar
  • Contacting friends and family I want to spend time with
  • Went on a writing retreat
  • Making time to write and work on my websites and ebooks
  • Digging  back into the areas of spirituality I love
  • Listening to my favorite music
  • Regular date nights with my wife
  • Making time to read
  • Healing from the hurt
  • Going through and organizing my belongings

Today as I look out onto my front yard and see the green grass and the barely perceptible buds on the tree, I want to cheer for us and tell us both to keep on growing, keep on finding our way in this place at this time. Around the corner of the house the daffodils that surprised us last spring will be blooming again and I know already they will be beautiful. Just give them some more time to grow into who they are and they will bless our world with their joy. With new habits and a new rhythm, so will I.

To my friend I met with this morning: thank you for spending the time together. It was a joy to see you and you helped me reconnect with something eternal and true. Bless you and your day.

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